Welcome to my new series!
Join me as i talk about all my crushes since i entered college.
Why i didn't include highschool you may ask? Simple. THERE'S TO MANY OF THEM.
Note: I have to give their nicknames only and not their full names for privacy reasons.
And the nicknames you are about to read are not their real nicknames. I only made them so no one in the school would know that i was talking about them. Just like a code name.
So let's start with my first college crush: Pards
Code name: Pards
Age: 18 or 19 idk
How lean?: 5 stars
How tall?: 5 stars
How fair skinned?: 5 stars
Meet Pards, the reason why i was motivated (insert cheerleader song) to attend my Saturday classes.
No, he's not my classmate. He is our group leader in an organization in my school that involves public service.
At first i was ignoring him because i didn't have my ideal type back then. In fact he is the reason why i have my ideal type: tall, fair skinned and lean. So credits to you Pards!
But when the time came that he was assigned to lead our group, boy did he really made me swoon! His frame, the way he walks, the way he talks, evrything is just so admirable. Even his mannerism where he blinks awkwardly ( don't know how to say it ) gets me everytime. And his smile, just the way he smiles makes me stare at him longer than i should.
I always remember hugging my pillow at night thinking it was him. I even went as far as intentionally nudging his shoulder so we would make body contact. But all i got was a weird stare from him, well at least i gazed into those hazel eyes of his. One memorable moment was when he sang and played a guitar. That's plus 100 points for me!! And at that time, he was wearing shorts, extremely short shorts. Almost a mile from the ground. And his legs was so smooth and white, i almost touched it. But i had a great sense of control so i didn't. So i just stared at him singing, plucking the strings and being blinded by his legs. It was paradise.
I also remember joining the chess competition because i learned that he is gonna be the coach. Even though an ostrich would beat me in three moves in that game. But he wasn't my coach and he coached somebody else so i was left there being beaten at the game everytime while i was staring at him like an ass.
The funny thing is that the whole time, i didn't know his name. I know, stupid me right? I can't ask anybody because i'm afraid they would think that i'm interested in him. I am, but i'm not ready to open myself up. So i was stuck with his surname where i got his code name.
And as far as i know, Pards is the only guy i cried for. It was a stupid one actually because i was at the dorm one evening, reading notes and an unregistered number sent me a message. It went on like this:
" Goodmorning, did you attend our activity last saturday? This is Pards "
My heart stopped, i ignored the fact that he said good morning during the evening and acted like a little kid who got their dream toy. We gave our cellphone numbers to our leaders for announcement purposes so i thought that this wasn't a prank, it was him! But i still quickly went downstairs to my dormmate to see if she was playing a prank on me ( she was the first person that knew about pards. We're close friends. And she also knew how crazy i was about him back then.) and she said no. I asked her boyfriend if he knew that number and he said no. So i screamed like a bitch and basked in the joy of the moment and then
Me: OMG OMG OMG PARDS TEXTED ME!!!! (Insert girly shout here)
Dorm mate: Just kidding, it was his (her boyfriend) number. *evil laughs*
I was crushed. Shattered and blown with the wind. I turned away, ran out of the dorm and walked till i got near a park where it was usually unoccupied and i cried. And i didn't talk to her for days.
I felt like a kid that got his dream toy and got it broken by some fucker.Heartbroken. Well, maybe she did thay because she qas annoyed from the fact that each sentence that came out from my mouth has Pards in it.
Anyway,I got his name during an awarding ceremony. Everyone of our leaders were called up the stage to get their awards. I waited for him to be called. And then it came. That name was announced loudly in public but i felt that it was being whispered to me personally. I couldn't be more happier that day.
When i got at the dorm later that day, i immediately searched for him on face book and i found his account and browsed every part of it. i was even happier. But it was all upside down a moment later. I saw a picture of him holding a baby. So I immediately thought that it might be his sibbling or somebody else's so i looked at the comment. And i wish i didn't. He himself stated that it was his baby. His offspring with the one he loves. I immediately wished i didn't knew his name by then. My heart was crushed and burned and left there to be swept away by the wind. And then it hit me. He wasn't just my crush. He was the first guy i loved. I cried again.
Seeing him once again the next saturday got me smiling and shaking my head at the same time. I told myself that he has a child and that i may never be a part of his life.
It took time for my feeling to go away and with my feelings, pards too, began to attend saturdays less and less until the time when he was no longer there. I didn't knew what happened, he just left.
I never knew the reason until one day, my classmate told me that he was forced to leave. I didn't knew if it was was real but i considered it as an answer to my questions.
But i learned the truth later, he went for his ojt. And graduated later that year.
Up to this day, i haven't seen him personally yet. And my friend request is yet to be confirmed by him.
-Ian
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