How to Survive College?

College.

Ah yes. The point in your life where you want to hit your head with a hammer.

Just kidding.

It's the point in life where you want to stab yourself with a needle.

All the work doesn't really stop.
Having a break for five minutes is just too much. Five minutes is the difference between you passing your project on time and failing.

Here are some tips on how to survive each grueling semester in college; (trust me, i'm a college student so i know my stuff)

1. Pick the course that you like

Listen to your guts people. This is the most important decision that you'll make when you enter college. Know the things that you like and hate.

You love Math and drawing? Take Engineering.

You love drawing and designing? Take Architecture.

You love bussiness? Take Bussiness Ad.

You love fucking up your mind and other people's? Take Psychology.


2. Have an extremely good time management.

Time is not your best friend when in college. You think you have lots of time to do a specific task and then the next thing you know, your prof is asking for your output. And you're left there, mouthing the words;

 " I thought i had the time."

Well i'm sorry but no. Time is like a backstabbing bitch. You think you have many, but in reality you have none.
So when a prof tells you to do eighteen darn plates fifteen days beforehand, do it immediately.

 ( plates= fancy engineering drawings)

I experienced this first hand. My prof told us to do eighteen, EIGHTEEN plates. He announced it three weeks before the submission date. And being the greatest procrastinator who lived on earth, i didn't do it until it was only a week before the submission date.

I pulled of consecutive all nighters just to finish those fuckers. After i managed to submit them (barely), i looked like shit.

Literally.

I normally look like shit but this "shit-look" is on another level.

 Pimples everywhere, eyebags bigger than my back pack,  shaking hands due to endless drawings and letterings and a response time slower than Internet Explorer. Trust me, you don't want that to happen to you. Do your things on time.


3. Use your charm.

First impressions lasts. So when classes start, be sure to be always nice and polite and just have this really nice image. Not to be plastic but you really have to bring out the nicest image that you have  not just to your classmates but for your professors too.

Just think of it like this, you're a celeb that needs to take care of their public image so people would like you.

Be nice to everybody.

Just don't be an asshole.


4. Focus

I know what i came to do

And that ain't gonna change
So fuck you all.

Focus is one precious thing to have when in college. Put this on your mind;

"You came here to study and nothing else."

You should have more focus than Ariana Grande singing Focus inside a Ford Focus.

Gosh i'm terrible at jokes.

Specially when studying for exams. And in college, there's an exam for, i don't know, EVERYDAY.

Before entering a class, shake down all your thoughts and leave them outside the door. Listening to your lectures is the difference between passing and repeating the subject all over again the next semester. And that sucks.

Generally, college lectures are like this;

Professor: The two variables will make it possible to predict one if one of them is given.

Me: So that means that there is an established relationship between the two?

Professor: Yes.
Me: Okay i get it.

Random classmate: Hey can i borrow your pencil?

Me: Sure yeah

*gives the pencil then looks back at the board*

Professor: Ok. Now if the braking distance of the car from 100 km/h is 60 feet, compute for the mass of the earth.

Me: Fuck this shit i'm out.

So fuck your classmate who doesn't have a pencil and just focus or consider yourself fucked if you don't.


5. Have really good friends.

In college, you will meet two kinds of friends;

The Real ones and the ones that only remembers your name when it's time for exams.

Fuck the latter.

Know the people that you hang out with. Avoid the ones that brings bad influence into your studies.Go with the people that you know you can trust. Go with the ones that will walk behind you in case you shit your pants.

Trust me, you'll make it through college with them.


6. Know your place

In college, you must know how to put yourself in place before somebody else does.

Don't act like a royal highness.

Social climbers beware.

( i know this contradicts rule no. 3 but this is some other shit)

See, the thing is when you enter college, you are a nobody. You begin from the bottom. Your whole biography is not written across your back. You don't know anyone and no one knows you. You strive just like the others do.

Though sometimes, some professors would seem to like you but think, you are NOT the only likeable student in the whole campus. People would treat you just like they would treat others.

No matter how your prof likes you as a student, at the end of the day your grades would determine if your'e in deep shit or not.

If you want to earn respect, you gotta work for it. And don't brag about it. Let your achievements make the bragging for you.

Wow, i can't believe that actually came from me.


7. "Lazy" is not in a college student's dictionary.

College is simple.

You're lazy = you fail

You study = you fail

You study hard = you fail

You study so hard to the point where you get pimple outbreaks, you get a minute worth of sleep and you become bestfriends with books = you pass, barely.

The only time when you take a break when in college is when your'e taking a dump. But you're still reciting stuff that you memorized minutes prior. So yeah.


8. Internet is the mightiest blessing you could ever have.

When you're a teen and a college student and you don't have access to the internet, it's like;

A.) When you're a boy, living without a penis.

B.) When you're a girl, living without make up.

It's just impossible.

And internet is the only key to the second mightiest blessing ever known to college students; Wikipedia.

Just admit it, you've consulted wikipedia at least a thousand times through your study years.


9. Have an inspiration.

"I do this for the conversion of my dreams into reality"

That is the most clichè inspiration you would hear from a college student.

Don't believe me? Fine, ask a college student and hear their answers.

If that's not the answer you get well...............

I love marshmallows.

Anyway, for me, my idea of an inspiration would be a crush with someone. You do everything for them. You dedicate everything for them. But in reality, you're using them as a medium for the success of your work, thus, inspiration. You have a crush on somebody and you get your things done sounds like a win win for me.

Just say, whenever you are doing something hard and it seems like it's impossible to do it on time, just say, for example,

" This is for you *insert name here*"

And voila, everything is well and done just when you need it to be.

That sounds so clichè ewwww.


10. Enjoy every bit of it

College may seem to be hard but if you get the hang of it, it's actually, dare i say it, fun.

Sure it's full of stress and things but it has its prime times. Like passing a test and seeing the asshole of the class fail miserably.

Naughty me.

Trust me, this is only the start of the "real life" where everything isn't sugarcoated and we face all the crap life has to offer. And all things considered, college  seems to be  the easiest part of it all.

Think of it as a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs and then a guy drops his camera and everything goes to shit.
 ( guess what movie was that? Lol)

Just kidding.

It has its ups and downs but at the end of it all, it's one hell of a ride and you'll want more but this kind of thing only happens one so don't live around it, live with it. Except maybe when you fail your research and you get extended for another semester.

College is the last part of our lives where we are bounded, err, guided by rules. But those rules are what keeps us on track. After graduation, we would be free but the first question that pops out of our minds is "Now what?"

So while you're still in it, enjoy it. The studies, the profs, the crushes and most of it all, the people that you were with, the ones who carried you through  the way till the end.

Cheesy me.

So those are my tips on how to survive college. Follow these and surely, you can truly be called a survivor.

 So remember guys, study well, get your shit together and wear condoms. Being a teen parent is so much harder than being a college student. Like duuhhh, haven't you watched teen moms? The drama shit is real.

Always remember this quote from Mad tv;

"Kissing leads to humping,
Like farting leads to pooping."

So that's about it. And good luck!

Stay in school! Bye!


- Ian