Crush : The Series (Rye)

Code name: Rye
Age: 17 or 18
How tall?: 5 stars
How lean?: 5 stars
How fair skinned?: 4 stars

Oh i still remember that day well and clear.

The day where Ramz and i crashed his motorcycle into a car. Memories.

But first, some things about Rye.

Rye also takes the same course as me and we are at the same year level. Only thing is our major is different. His major focuses mostly on machinery but their shop is just next to ours so i see him almost everyday. I'm still hoping that we'll be classmates but the possibility of that thing happening is thinner than a piece of paper.

He is taller than me but by only a few inches. His skin is on the lighter side of the scale and his body build is extremely lean. No extra fat whatsoever. Thats probably why he tipped my lean-o-meter lol. He always wears a cap but his hair is just so amazing. I don't even know why he chooses to hide it. The way it sweeps onto one side and the way a few strands stick out to his forehead just makes me stare at him in awe.

Heck i even tried to do it to my hair. I applied lots of conditioners and used hair cuticle formulas but my hair is a bitch so nothing happened.

And the way he walks. Damn. Like he's full of confidence and i like that. Confident guys. Damn.

And when he wears pink, i just (no other word for it) swoon!

But i think he likes orange. He usually wears an orange bag and an orange cap.

I see him everyday cause duuhh schoolmates, but he did grab my attention during our aquaintance party not because he is damn attractive nor tall nor lean but it was something i didn't expect at all.

Here is what happened;

So after Ramz and i crashed and gave the other driver personal info and stuff. We proceeded to the party venue. Which is a resort. And the party is, well, a pool party.

All students that takes our course are all gonna be there.

So as the program was going on, the host decided to pick some students in the crowd who are dressed to impress. And Rye was picked from the crowd and nine others or so were on the stage-ish platform.

He wore this three fourth fit shirt, brown slim shorts, an orange cap and walking shoes. (Idk what those things are called, fashion is not really on my mind)

The host asks really random questions.

And he asked Rye the most random
question ever.

"Are you still a virgin?"
I was like OMG.

And then the unexpected happened.

He nodded.

I was like OMFG.

A 17 year old guy and still a virgin? That's like the rarest breed of all. How easy it is to find a virgin teen nowadays? I know i still am lol. But seriously, i still am.
We belong together lol.

His response really caught my attention. We both belong to a rare breed.


Virgin Teens.

It really puts me off when boys my age brag about how they already got laid and stuff. Like they think that its a massive plus points for the girls.

It isn't.

Well for me it isn't. It just shows that you are one impatient dude who just wants to have sex with almost everyone they meet. That's just nasty-ish.

When girls talks about their sex life, they are gonna be called a slut but when boys do, no one makes a fuss.

( see Lily Allen - Hard Out Here)

That song says it all.

Well anyway.

Well according to his response, Rye isn't one of those guys. He's different than the rest so that made me admire that quality about him. Being different. Not weird-different but not-go-with-the-flow-different.

I like that.

I mean, he is darn attractive so he could get laid anytime he wants but he chooses not to. So RESPECT.

There's actually this one time when i was outside the shop trying to take much fresh air as i can after some tricky tasks and Rye was there walking towards my direction along his friends.

I was like "shit!".

Not only do i look like shit, i probably smelled like one too. In fact, i smell like oil mixed with grease and sweat. Nasty.
I couldn't overreact to it so i just stayed there in my place till he was only a few feet away. And then i stared at his eyes and he stared at mine in return.

That was  three whole seconds of awesomeness.

His eyes were different. It's not just bland brown or something. It was this shade of deep black and it's just enchanting. Deep black eyes and white face got me thinking.

Holy shit. Vampire.

Just kidding.

But those eyes were the most amazing eyes i've seen. Yet.

It just holds so much depth in them.

And also there's this one time when i'm going up to the second floor with my classmate and then i saw him sitting on the rail. He was staring at our direction the entire time and i thought that he was staring at me and then when we were just about inches form him  my classmate said hi to him and Rye said something in return too. I found out later that they were classmates before. Damn. Lucky.

And Ramz and Rye were classmates too back in highschool. Ugh. Why didn't i go to their school?

I even took a picture of their class schedule at the dean's office. Not to be a stalker but i just wanna know when we are at the same building. Makes me feel better (said in a stalkerish voice) lol.

And  I can see him most of the time with his friends. So he must be friendly.

But Rye eerrr........doesn't get the top spot for me.

The reason? Well, what i felt didn't really last long.

And he stares at girls too much so yeah. Straight as a pole.

 And because Camps happened.


- Ian

Rant

I've been thinking lately when was the last time i put my guards down. The last time i let a person through my walls that i erect everyday from the moment i open my eyes in the morning. The time when i was genuine and true. The time when i was truly myself.

And then i realized i haven't

Eversince i could remember, i learned to put up walls to prevent people seeing the real me. The idea of a person seeing my true self just terrifies me. I usually think before i act or speak a lot because i don't want to give away hints of what i truly am. At first i thought that those walls were supposed to keep everybody else out. But i was wrong.

It's keeping me inside like a prisoner.

I always smile, i always do. But most of those are not real. That's just a front to let everyone know that i'm happy, but i'm not. Inside, i'm shedding tears nobody else sees.

I laugh a lot, but those loud laughs are forced.

I try to speak in a lower pitch always to hide my secret personality.

I shrug off offensive remarks about me but those words stay with me forever.

I hide a lot of things. Some are just better left unsaid.

I act extremely happy to hide the fact that i may be depressed.

I've been inside my walls for too long now that nothing feels more normal than hiding beneath my act.

I never thought i'd be so good at acting.

I feel like i couldn't trust anyone.

 I actually find it hard trusting some of my classmates. Not to brag but i get consistent marks in my academic performances. But the downside to that is (i think) my classmates only befriend me so that they would have access to my knowledge. I feel like they don't like me as a person, they only like me as a classmate that they could lean on during exams and nothing more.

I admit that i'm a very difficult person to be with. I get more mood swings than a pregnant woman, i'm grumpy most of the time, i'm very sensitive that i get offended at the smallest of things, my temper is shorter than a bald person's hair and i am not the friendliest person around.

And i'm waiting for that person who would accept all those quirks and accept me for being me.

This loneliness i got gets more emphasized during dismissal times. After a quiz, the prof ends the classes and my classmates would just leave me there alone in the room not even bothering waiting for me outside. I know it's quite stupid getting mad at them for not waiting for me but taking in the fact that they all sat around me, copied my answers and got almost higher marks than me gives me the right to be. At least when they wait for me they show that they would like to give me company but oh boy no, thats not how it works for them. The moment the prof ends the classes. They would all be gone and i would be left there fixing my things and leaving the room all by myself looking like a massive loner which i truly am.

At least being alone gives me time to think about how huge of an ass they are to me. I feel like shit.

I want to trust them so badly, i want to consider them as reliable friends. I see that they can be.

Or maybe that's how the boy world works. I don't know because back in high school most of my friends are girls and i never get to be close friends with boys until now.

Or maybe i'm too much of a softie to be friends with them

Or maybe because i'm such a whiny boy.

Can somebody just wreck my walls already.

Can someone call Miley.

Wow, this has gone way off topic but still, whatever. I want marshmallows.


- Ian